11 Tricks to Look Like an Intellectual

Can we have intellectual jokes please? Mantra: Fake it, because you can never make it.

Nerdy Girl, archetype of somebody just going to get roasted by our jokes.

1. Crib about how the world is a superficial place. Talk about your vision of a world where intellect matters more than appearances. This will cover up for your poor fashion sense.

2. Never speak in class. Criticize those who do. Roll your eyes often.

3. Talk about philosophies of minimalism. Talk about how consumerism is destroying our entire generation. It's cooler than admitting that you are eternally broke.

4. Don't bathe before coming to class. It will seem as though you are too busy in important intellectual pursuits to give a damn about something as unimportant as hygiene.

5. Click a thousand pictures (and upload them all over the social media) the one time you go out in a month. It will look like you had been too busy.

6. Don't click selfies in public. Mock those who do.(You can later click a 100 selfies when you are alone.)

7. Wear XL sized clothes even when you are small. It will look like you belong to the league of old college professors. It will also cover up for the fact that you haven't been to a gym for twenty-five years and you are not going there for the next twenty-five.

8. Equate networking with boot-licking. Look down upon people who have contacts. You can gracefully cover up for your poor interpersonal skills.

9. Never get your eyebrows done. Talk about being authentic and natural.

10. Judge people who listen to cheap Punjabi songs. (If you really love them, you can listen to them in private, when no one is around).

11. Make sure to post about the only book you somehow managed to read this year.

P.S. Talking from experience.

Enjoyed reading this article? Read 11 Tricks to Appear Elite here .

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11 tricks to appear Elite in college

Fake it, because you’ll never be able to make it. 1. Talk about lipsticks and shoes with other wannabe-elites. 2. Have a fake accent, if not American or British, then at least a South Delhi accent. 3. Wear boots in 25 degree Celsius because Winter Fashion! 4. Wear 6 inch heels and have a swing in your stride. 5. Buy an iPhone and keep asking for iPhone chargers in class.( How else would they know that you own one!) 6. Scream and kiss on each others’ cheek when you see a fellow wannabe elite. 7. Complain about how unprofessional non-pencil-skirt-wearers appear. 8. Post regular Instagram stories about the high end cafe you visited. 9. Use terms like “Gawar” for those who are not wannabe-elites. 10. Use at least 10 words with more than 8 letters. You don’t need to know their meaning. Just use them frequently enough to let people know that you know them. 11. Loudly exclaim “God..!I need a drink” every time you attend a lon

11 Tricks to Appear Smart in Class

Can you appreciate a good sense of humor, without getting offended? Mantra : Fake it, because you can definitely not make it. 1. Pick an argument with the teacher on anything . Intimidate them with your loud arguments. The arguments need not be logical. 2. Ask a doubt about something very unimportant, irrelevant and very vaguely related to the topic being taught. Even better if no one in class knows about it. Better still, if even the teacher doesn't know about it. Then engage the teacher in the vague conversation about your vague doubt. It shows your vast expanse of knowledge. Eg. If teacher is teaching you chemistry, you can ask a doubt about unicorns because chemistry is like alchemy, alchemy is magical, magical is unicorn! 3. Start your questions with "This may sound weird/stupid", so that the teacher tells you that it is not stupid. Not stupid means smart. Which means the teacher acknowledged your smartness. Bask in the glory. 4. Ask the teacher to go bac

Vision, Mission and other important stuff

Ain't we funny? We are a bunch of college students, who judge people - all the time. We don't have the time, energy or the guts to tell people on their faces that they are idiots. So we write. We are like trolls, but just a little more civilized. Vision : To offend people. Mission: To offend people on a mission mode.

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