Can we have intellectual jokes please?
Mantra: Fake it, because you can never make it.
1. Crib about how the world is a superficial place. Talk about your vision of a world where intellect matters more than appearances. This will cover up for your poor fashion sense.
2. Never speak in class. Criticize those who do. Roll your eyes often.
3. Talk about philosophies of minimalism. Talk about how consumerism is destroying our entire generation. It's cooler than admitting that you are eternally broke.
4. Don't bathe before coming to class. It will seem as though you are too busy in important intellectual pursuits to give a damn about something as unimportant as hygiene.
5. Click a thousand pictures (and upload them all over the social media) the one time you go out in a month. It will look like you had been too busy.
6. Don't click selfies in public. Mock those who do.(You can later click a 100 selfies when you are alone.)
7. Wear XL sized clothes even when you are small. It will look like you belong to the league of old college professors. It will also cover up for the fact that you haven't been to a gym for twenty-five years and you are not going there for the next twenty-five.
8. Equate networking with boot-licking. Look down upon people who have contacts. You can gracefully cover up for your poor interpersonal skills.
9. Never get your eyebrows done. Talk about being authentic and natural.
10. Judge people who listen to cheap Punjabi songs. (If you really love them, you can listen to them in private, when no one is around).
11. Make sure to post about the only book you somehow managed to read this year.
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